I’m not an expert by any means, but I’ve been around the block and I’ve brought back some great advice for mom.
Now, I know all mamas are different. We’ve all got our own thing going on. So, know that these bits of advice for mom are merely suggestions. Read through them. Add them to your mantra if it seems they’ll help you. Print this off and set fire to it if you think I’m completely out in left field.
I now give you five little bits of advice for mom, revolving around things I would encourage you to not do. Here goes…
Advice for Mom #1: Don’t smother your kid.
Give your kid room to grow. Like, apart from you.
It’s one thing to know about or show interest in what your kids are into. It’s an entirely different thing to breathe down their neck about every single thing they like.
Be in the area in case you’re needed, but for goodness sakes—don’t hover.
If you’re constantly close enough that your child can reach up and whack your helicopter blade with one swift ninja move, you might want to back off a little bit.
Or a whole lot.
Seriously. Even if you feel guilty, independence is a good thing.
Advice for mom #2: Do not—I repeat not—live through your kids.
I’ve already lived the ages that my kids currently are. My job now is to live the age I actually am.
Isn’t that fabulous? The age I am is great. I can make this year of this age to be any awesome experience I want it to be!
Figure out what things are your kid’s to experience, get mad about, live through, and enjoy. Let your kid deal with those things.
Yes, support and love and be there for them…but please don’t be one of those parents who are so caught up in what their kids are going through or experiencing or wearing or reading or listening to or are interested in that it becomes more your thing than something your kid can have to him/herself.
Advice for Mom #3: Don’t pretend that you don’t have a life of your own.
Your kids need to know that you have a life, too.
Again, support and love and glitter and all good things to your kids, but you are an adult and I’m hoping you have a life outside of your title as “parent”.
And hopefully it’s a life you rather enjoy.
Yes, I have responsibilities as a parent but I’m a whole lot of other things besides Mom. I still like to sit and play guitar by myself and sit at a coffee shop by myself and go out with friends to talk about things my children have no interest in.
I would never expect or want my kids to live their lives for my husband and I, and I’m going to assume that the fact my husband and I continue to have a life—both as individuals and as a couple—will ultimately benefit our children in the future.
Advice for Mom #4: Do not pretend your children are mini-mes.
You did not give birth to robots. You did not adopt robots. You are not the parents of robots.
You can tell your kids your wishes. You can make rules. You can have guidelines or boundaries or whatever it is that people in your generation call them, but your kids are not robots.
There is no perfect system of input information, output action that has been proven to work on every child in the world. If there was, we’d be handed one parenting book on one parenting theory at birth, and we’d all turn out amazingly robotic (and admittedly boring) little drones.
Sometimes our kids are going to listen and go the way we hoped they would. Sometimes they aren’t going to listen and they’ll run off into something that has us shaking our heads. At some point, we have to be okay with knowing we raised them how we raised them, and that’s all we can do. Sometimes they will make choices that have nothing to do with you.
Your children may have come into this world through you, but they are not you. The sooner you get okay with this, the less money you will have to spend on their (and your) therapy later.
Advice for Mom #5: Do not pretend that your house can be exactly the same as your friend’s house.
In fact, I’m gonna bet money that it won’t.
Why? Because your house is not your friend’s house. You both close the door behind you at separate addresses and deal with different stuff within the four walls of your humble abodes.
Nothing will kill your happiness faster than trying to make something work in your house that isn’t meant to work in your house. It’s okay. Move on. Find something different.
You’re still super cool. Trust me.
Question: Do you think these pieces of advice for mom will help you? Or do they not work for your life situation? Leave a comment and let me know. I’m always looking to learn more.